I know what you’re thinking – what the hell does CHPD mean?
If you’re not a regular reader of AROnline, then the chances are that you’ve not come across the term, and that’s probably a very good thing. It’s an acronym for Compulsive Heap Purchasing Disorder, and it kinda sums up my car buying life – and is the affliction that has dogged me for a very long time. In essence, it means that, during my 30 years of driving, I’ve now owned well over 200 cars.
CHPD is no laughing matter, and I put out this blog as a grave warning to all of the site’s readers in the vain hope that you can see the signs early and get help. If you don’t, you could end up like me. Or worse…
Here are ten things to look for – tick these boxes and you have CHPD:
1) Watching repeats of Life on Mars, you’re more concerned about the appearance of a Series 2 Allegro police car being in 1973 than looking at Annie’s legs.
2) Your close family’s driveways are full of your cars.
3) The combined value of all your cars – more than five for hardened sufferers – is less than £1000
4) You don’t know what your kids are doing at school, but you’re intimately familiar with the A-post rot on your latest bargain
5) Your local scrap yard proprietor knows you by your first name
6) You have specific eBay searches for your favourite old heaps bookmarked
7) There are car magazines, books and manuals in the bathroom
8) You care more about your garage than you do your kitchen
9) When someone asks you what car you drive, you have to think a moment before saying, “I have, um, a few to choose from”
10) Despite earning plenty of money, you never actually have any spare…
If you see any of these symptoms in yourself… run… run as fast as you can, before it’s too late.
Alternatively, buy a new Focus.